Sworn to Secrecy

I intended to blog an old grandmothers story about the whole ’secret’ thing but after much deliberation, I’m thinking maybe it’s not so much of a secret after all. It’s just some juicy situation that happened and I’m not suppose to spill it. Why? I really don’t know. Perhaps I didn’t get my facts right, because it only happened once. And it will happen again as I confirmed last night.

I’ve been a naughty girl. I slept with a good friend of mine. We’ve known each other for nearly two years now. We’ve gone out a few times (just as friends) and flirted countless times. We even joked about sleeping with each other but I guess we’re both too chicken shit to do it,…until last Monday.

He text me around past midnight on Monday as I was getting ready for bed. Twenty minutes later, he was in my room. I had to sneak him in as I didn’t want my housemates to think I was some skanky biatch. I’m not. So it happened, so quickly it was as if I had a bullet train in me.

After the session, he said, “Okay, please don’t tell friend A, B, C & D.“

I was like, “Uh, okay. Not single soul is suppose to know about this?“

“Yes, it’s only between you and me. Okay?“

I wasn’t sure about it but I just went along with it, “Okay, you and me.“

He left soon after and text me again saying, “I can’t believe we just ended up being fuck buddies.“, smiling.

I was mortified. oh. my. god. Did we just make the biggest mistakes of our lives? I responded, “So does this mean that whenever you or I want sex, we’d just give each other a call?“

His reply was snappy, “Yes.“

It’s not like I don’t want a fuck buddy but I’ve had my share of fuck buddies gone wrong. I just don’t need another drama.

Now all of you know my secret. Please tell me you can keep it.

Secrets That Are Meant To Be Kept…Or Not

Can you keep a secret? Have you ever told anyone you’re darkest deepest secrets?

I have a secret. But I’m not suppose to tell anyone. Not even my best friend. How do I keep myself from telling anyone? I have impending urge to tell just one person. Will I be breaking the code of conduct?

This is really killing my soul. I’ve been contemplating to tell just one friend. I want her to know. He doesn’t have to know, right?

Okay, maybe I’ll tell her later today. If I’m not too caught up with work.

I’m such a liar sometimes.

.konfused.

I met up with a dear relative recently, whom I’ve not seen in a few months. She invited me out for drinks one night and since it’s been awhile since we talked, there was loads to tell. Once everything was laid out, I found out that she’s in pretty much in the same boat as me when it comes to the ‘love life’.

It’s a breath of fresh air knowing someone who knows exactly how you feel and what you’re going through. After four hours of mindless babbles about the guy we’re seeing, it was crystal clear that we could really do better. This didn’t end there, two nights later we’re at it again with nonstop chimneys and caipirinhas. It was one hell of a session.

We promised each other that we’d keep ourselves update and to encourage and remind each other that we weren’t LOSERS.

Two nights ago, I saw him again with a bunch of friends since I was away for a week. A friend told me that he was bringing a girl with him. It didn’t bother me at first but the moment they arrived, I felt my heart skip the beat. I was certain that I had a million butterflies in my stomach. He never looked so good. I was trying hard all evening to avoid gazing at his handsome face. Now doesn’t that sound like a LOSER to you?

Thank God about an hour later another friend came by and he was one EYE CANDY! That took me off my concentration on him for awhile.

Whatever it is, I’m telling myself to get over it and move on. Somehow every now and I have no choice but to see him because we have the same friends and it would be impossible to completely avoid him. There are times when I would love to ignore him but he’d always try to make conversations.

It’s been hard and I know it’s going to get harder. I need a new eye candy to keep me distracted.